Back to School 1984

Back to School 1985

In the late summer of 1984, I started the first day of fourth grade at Nathanael Greene School of Potowomut - or just Potowomut as we called it - in the small town of Warwick, Rhode Island. I stood on the front porch with my new outfit, school shoes, backpack, as I had done the four years before with the excitement of what the new year would bring and a smile for my obligatory 1st day pictures. My excitement was only sporadically interrupted by my nerves about my academic abilities. You see, just one year earlier, my third grade teacher, Mrs. Rossi * had me tested for Learning Disabilities because of my inconsistent performance ans lack of attention span. That was the year I was diagnosed with ADHD, but at that time there was not a tremendous amount know about this diagnosis.

But the excitement of a new year and old friends overshadowed the flashes of struggle and disappointment as I boarded the bus to Potowomut to rejoin my classmates in Mrs. Harris' * fourth grade class. 

This year unfolded much like past grades with some academic struggles tempered with my status as the "Social Butterfly", so school, while frustrating, was still enjoyable for me. In the year since my diagnosis, doctors and experts explained to my parents that I was not at all challenged by the difficulty of the information...on the contrary, my results showed I was able to understand concepts well above the 4th grade level, instead, my challenge was in the way I interacted - or didn't interact- with the material. So my parents found creative ways to help me through including reading aloud, and mnemonics for memory work. I still remember this gem...the New Jersey was a trend...Trenton is the capital of New Jersey. While the day to day work continued to challenge and frustrate me, I loved when projects were assigned because I could use my strengths and creativity.  And so the day Mrs. Harris assigned a science project  on the animal unit we had been studying, I got very excited.

Our assignment was to choose an animal to research and present to the class a report with a visual aid. I chose the Koala Bear.  Instantly my mind raced as to how I would present my project...what would I say, there were so many ideas.In the past, I had tried organizing my information on a poster board like many of my classmates, but I wasn't very organized and because my parents were insistent that I do my own work, "Sarah," my mom would say, "I have already been in fourth grade. It's your turn" I wasn't fond of trying the poster board again.  so I decided to MAKE a Koala Bear. My mom is an expert seamstress and I spent many years standing behind her in her chair watching over her shoulder as she zipped through seams transforming the limp fabric into stunning gowns or draperies for our home. I knew that would be something fun and different and I could do it MYSELF -with her supervision of course- I knew better than to use her machine without permission.

So with great excitement, I learned my koala facts and we went to Weintraubs, my mom's favorite fabric store. I picked the pattern, fur, felt,stuffing and notions we needed and I begged her to hurry up as we made our way back home. I knew my way around a sewing machine and had learned early on how to thread a needle for hand sewing and on a machine alike...Mom wouldn't let me have someone thread it for me. So I laid out all of the materials, found the salvage, pinned the pattern and began my project. If there is another project that made me this proud, I have no memory of it. 

I wasn't know for doing projects or homework ahead of time. In fact, I tended to wait until the last minute. Years later, I learned this is a coping mechanism for people with ADHD, but this project had me so excited, I finished early!

It seemed like months before the projects were due, although looking back, I'm sure it was merely days. But finally the day came. I carried my Koala Bear in a small bag inside my backpack and I looked on as my classmates struggled with their poster boards and paper mache off of the bus and into our classroom. The day dragged on through reading groups and lunch until finally, it was time! At long last, I could share my project that was unlike so many other assignments. It was finally time to share with my class the facts I learned about the Koala with the bear...and it was AWESOME! I shared with my class that Koalas are native to Australia, how the mommas carry their babies in their pouches and that they eat eucalyptus leaves and finally, I pulled it from my small bag and proudly showed them the Koala that I made.

The class erupted in OOHS and AAHs while some jumped from their seats to get a closer look.and within moments, Mrs.Harris was shushing and herding my classmates back into their seats. I was beaming! I DID IT- by myself - on my terms...and it was so good!

As the class settled and I wrapped up my presentation with a few questions from classmates, I looked to Mrs. Harris with excitement and eagerly awaited her feedback. I wasn't usually very excited to hear about what my teachers had to say about my work, but this time it was different.

I heard her say things like "interesting information" and "confident in my presentation", but what I really wanted to hear was what she thought about my koala bear.  And then it came...

"And Sarah, that's a lovely koala bear. Tell your mom she has outdone herself again..." 

 * Names have been changed. 

 Time For Spring Cleaning?

I remember when I was young watching a Harlem Globetrotters game with my family.  The crowds’ eyes glued to the court so as not to miss a single trick shot or antic they are known for. At one point during the game, one of the players walked up to a woman court side and picked up her purse. You could tell she was amused and embarrassed as the cameras zoomed in and caught her face gradually turning bright red, one shade at a time. At that point, her son, maybe four years old stood up and got upset because he didn’t realize this was a part of the act and decided to take some action. As the globetrotter slowly walked backwards towards center court, he emptied her bag item by item and placed her things on the hardwood.  That little guy, defending his mama and her stuff, followed him out on the court picking up her belongings one by one like a bird picks up bread crumbs. He walked up to her sun glasses bent down and picked them up, walked two steps to her wallet and bent down and picked that up, then a few more steps to some crumpled up receipts and did the same for every pen, band aid, a hairbrush, dental floss, hand sanitizer and so much more…it was like her purse was a clown car.  He kept leaning down and picking up item after item until his arms were so full he could barely walk and hold all that stuff at the same time. Finally, the globetrotter helped him put everything back in her bag and take it back to his mama and the crowd laughed and cheered and the mom waved to the crowd and gave her little buddy a big kiss and hug.

I like to think about this story because it is super cute and funny to remember that little guy on a mission to get his mom’s stuff back, but also because it is a powerful reminder to me of all the random  and extra stuff we carry around with us-literally and figuratively- and how all that extra makes it really hard to find your keys or other things we need when we need it. We do this with lots of things. Clothes in our closet, stacks of mail, leftovers in the refrigerator. There is a coaching saying “How you show up anywhere is how you show up everywhere.” And just like all the extra stuff we keep in our homes and handbags, we keep a lot of extra junk in our head. Worry, self doubt, anger, pride, jealousy to name a few, all get in the way of remembering to bring our shopping list to the grocery store, actively listening to customers so we can be the best sales person, running/starting a business, being present with our family, and loving our life. Identifying these extras taking up space in our head is one key to mastering our mindset. Self awareness and coaching  helps to uncover the things that are taking up space in our mind and making it challenging to access motivation, confidence, focus, and other things that you want to carry around in order to live a fulfilling and successful life. Is it time for you to clean out your purse? If you want to find out if coaching is right for you, email me at sarah@sarahbaileylifecoach.com or visit www.sarahbaileylifecoach.com.

Lost in My Perfect Little Life

How did I get here? Better yet...I'm a problem solver...how do I get back.  Can I even get back? The place I was when I knew where I was is in the past and that place is GONE.  There is no way to get there again. So how do I know here is where I want to go... or if there is a way to get there because the place I want to be doesn't exist yet. Or maybe it does...it's the present.  But here I'm lost and I'm not the person I dreamed I'd be or even want to be right now for that matter...

So here I am ...stuck in my own head and lost in my perfect little life.

Full disclosure, I have a great life.  Happy childhood.  Good family. I have a loving husband who puts up with my flaws almost flawlessly - he is human, after all. I have 4 amazing, funny, kind hearted, and adorable kids. So, yeah, my life seems like a dream or fairy tale.  But before you decide to hate me or stop reading, there is something you should know...feeling lost doesn't just happen to sad people or poor people. Depression and anxiety isn't just for people who have unfortunate life circumstances. People you would never suspect wake up every day lost in a perfect life like mine.

It's September now, and I'm starting to feel more normal.  My kids are all back in school and we are getting back into a routine. I'm way better with a routine. I'm getting my energy and sanity back that was lost to constant refereeing, never-ending piles of dirty laundry, non-existent bed times and the grouchy mornings that those nights melt into. So with my glimpse of law and order, I got overzealous and agreed to be the 3rd grade room mom. I should have known better.  I have solid intel that this is NOT the job for me...that is since I single-handedly ruined Halloween for about ten 2 year olds in 2013.  But I said yes anyway.  Funny how it seems just like yesterday. Funny how one extra yes can send you  in a downward spiral. Funny how that one extra yes can upset the delicate balance that is life and that one split second can take months or even years to crawl and claw back from...

I remember it like it was yesterday.  There I was dropping Wills off at school. The big kids, or "bigs" as we call them, were delivered to their school on time and in uniform, my "to do" list was progressively getting smaller, there was a pep in my step...and then it happened.

I walked into Wills' classroom and they all turned, saw me, and bumbled to change the subject. I immediately got that feeling.  Major adrenaline rush, pins and needles, heart racing, face flushing. What happened?  What did I do?...Shit, I can't remember.  So walk in and put the backpack and lunch bag in cubbies, hang jackets on hooks and Wills runs to his friends.  And then I see it...the EMPTY sign up sheet for the Halloween party that is happening in ONE HOUR. That was the sheet I was supposed to email to all of the parents so they could sign up for snacks and prizes. Oh and it also reminded them to wear/bring a costume.

So there I was.  I knew it. They knew it. Wills didn't- yet, but he would find out some day. He'd know that I ruined his party for his WHOLE CLASS.  I RUINED HALLOWEEN.

Truth be told, that was one of the best "bad moments" in my life. At the time, I was working a full time job as a partner in our family retail shop. I was married with 3 kids. I coached soccer. I was the Treasurer of the PTA. And I participated in several other volunteer organizations all while I was going to school to get certified as a professional life coach. At that one, very sucky moment, when I felt about as big as an ant, I realized I was lost again.  I was back to that place I had been before, only this time instead of being 26 and lost in my life with no idea of who I was or what I wanted, I was lost in a life I DID WANT. I chose this...ALL OF IT.  I wanted to be married with kids and involved in their lives. I wanted to be physically active and loved helping kids learn the game of soccer. I loved raising money for my kids' school and other charities I believe in. I loved the moms I helped at our boutique baby shop. I loved life coaching.  I loved all of it. But not all together and not all at once.

At that moment, I had to face the music. I ruined Halloween. I had to face the teacher, those parents, those sweet innocent kiddos.  The funny thing is, they were two. They no more knew it was Halloween than the 4th of July, or any other day of the year. And maybe I'm making this up for dramatic effect, but I think I remember some kids WERE wearing costumes - just because it seemed like a fireman sort of day.  And as for the prizes and candy and games...some sweet, over-achiever mom (although I probably didn't like her all that much that day) brought more than enough crap for all the kids at the school and then some. So thank you mystery mom! And then, I realized it was time. I walked down to the director's office and resigned as head room mom of the younger 2K class 2013-2014. I knew it had to be done along with some other tough choices I had ahead of me. 

You see, when you're lost, you have to ask yourself a few questions. Where exactly is it that you want to go and is this the road that is going to get me there? 

So why exactly did I say yes again? Well, that's a good question. Of course, I'm hoping for a drastically different outcome this time. Maybe I'm a little more organized or have less on my  plate.  Maybe I've taken another wrong turn, but when I picture my destination...there are sometimes when I think it's important to try things again. Is this one of them? Who knows just yet.  Maybe I just want a different room mom memory or maybe I'm just taking one for the team to give the other weary room parents a break.  Either way, we'll find out soon enough...

Moms Un“wine”d

So here it is…the results we’ve been waiting for!  I have always wanted to be a fly on the wall and been curious about what happens at other peoples' homes around dinner time (and it seems like a bunch of you are curious, too) and now I have some answers and the data to back it up.  For those of you who didn’t see survey, here’s the run down.  Last week I created a survey that asked the participant to answer 5 questions about personal drinking habits…how often, how much, why, etc. I have wondered about this off and on have talked about it with friends and other moms- mostly the morning after we maybe had 1 (or 2) too many.  So finally, I decided to get some real answers…are we alone, or do we just feel like we are alone?  I took the first 100 responses and compiled the data below.  As with any survey results, they are based on the answers that the participants provided and are only as valid as the answers given. Another disclaimer: I am in no way condemning or condoning any of these behaviors.  I am merely sharing my experience and these results. Oh, and one last thing, I am assuming these answers came from 100 women, but I am not completely certain because was is anonymous.

As I suggested earlier, I have often wondered about how much, how often, when, and why other women/moms drink throughout the week. I guess this is partly because I want to be sure I am in the “acceptable” range of what is normal even though I know it doesn’t matter what is right for others if it isn’t right for me.  But the more and more I thought about this, the more I realized up until recently, I haven’t had many conversations with other moms around this topic. In fact, it’s often avoided at all cost. Maybe that is why I became so curious, and maybe that is why I started having these conversations.  One of these conversations in particular pops out in my head and made a big impression on me.  I was talking to a college friend and we were talking about the stress and pressures of everyday life.  As we each added to the list of responsibilities – job, husband, kids, family health issues, finances, aging parents, taking on too much – and on and on I realized something.  Over my adult years, I started as an employee, added being a wife, added child 1, soccer coach, child 2, Treasurer of PTA, business partner, child 3, room mother, student, Professional Coach, child 4… Over the past 20+ years I have continually added responsibilities and activities to my daily life without either 1.) making a conscious plan to remove activities or 2.) creating a plan to deal with the added stress.  This doesn’t start out as that big of a deal when you get married and take on household responsibilities because it is fun and exciting, but as the years, kids, and activities increase it is easy to see how we end up stressed to the max and counting down the minutes until it is 5 o’clock or whatever hour you find respectable to pour that 1^st glass of wine or pop open that beer.

Now that we have a little perspective about why/how we got “here”, I’d like to make a few observations about the findings.  All of my statements are based on the information in the survey and are by no means a judgement about the person/persons who chose the answer…I took this survey, too! Also, I am always interested in what you think about things.  So, if you feel compelled to comment on the results, you are certainly welcome as long as your intent is to enhance the conversation and not to judge or hurt another.  One last thing, I am NOT a scientist so how I interpreted these results are solely based on my perceptions.  Thank you again for all of you who participated.  I think the more we can open this topic up to conversation the better for all of us!

 

So without further ado below are my observations and here is the link to the results.  https://www.surveymonkey.com/results/SM-5F8Q932W/

Question 1:

How often you have alcoholic drink/drinks during the week?

3% answered that they don’t drink alcohol.  One of the participants noted that she has been in recovery for 7 years YAY! 

21% of the participants only drink on special occasions (a few of these also answered that they do drink alone in the bathtub.  I also consider that a special occasion when I can take a bath alone!!)

13% only drink on the weekends.

34% a few nights a week.

13% every night (one participant noted that she drinks one glass of red wine per night for the health benefits).

16% drink alcohol most nights.

Question 2:

Why do you drink alcohol? Check all that apply.

The #1 answer with 81% was to Unwind.  I think I also answered that as one of my reasons.  While I find that it seems to help in the moment, it also adds to my need to unwind either when I have a bad night sleep or feel guilty for that extra beer I didn’t need or really want.

62% like the taste

58% drink to socialize

30% when stressed

13% it’s a habit

3% don’t know why

 

Question #3

Do you ever drink by yourself?

33% sometimes

29% yes

19% never

16% I’m NEVER alone

I think it's interesting to note that over 60% of the participants answered that they do have alcohol on some occasions when they are alone.  As a mom, I find it a treat to relax by myself with a beer or glass of wine.  Before this was taboo to admit you drink alone, but these days, I consider this more of an act of self care when done in moderation.  And those 16% of mamas who are never alone...I feel your pain! 
 Question #4

Do you ever think you may drink too much?

33% yes

54% no

11% I don’t know

I'm not sure what results I expected to see with this question.  I answered yes to this question but for whatever reason, I thought there would be fewer to answer yes or I don't know.  It is so interesting to me close to 50% of the people think they may drink too much, but people rarely openly talk about it.  I'm not saying that I think that 50% of moms have drinking problems, but if that many of us drink when stressed, to unwind, or as a habit maybe if we talk more about how we got to this place we can find other healthy ways to get through the "witching hour" or at least own it without shame or guilt.

Question #5

How many kids do you have?

The answers here ranged from 0-5 kids and while I wondered if there would be a correlation between the number of kids and frequency or amount of drinking, I did not find that in the results.   

Thanks again for your honesty and participation!

When the Going Gets Tough...the Tough Get Grateful!!!

The first few weeks of October are busy in our family!  My parents celebrate birthdays two days apart, Michael and I celebrate our wedding Anniversary – 10 years this year, our sweet Parker’s birthday is the same day as our anniversary, and Michael’s birthday is 3 days later!   I have always loved to celebrate occasions and now is no exception, but Phew!  I get worn out just typing all of the stuff we pack into 14 days!  It is easy to get caught up in the excitement of all that celebrating and to feel happy about all of my blessing because there are so many packed into a short period of time, but what happens the day after or the next week when life returns to normal and there isn’t some reason to throw a party? 

As the holidays approach we often hear how many people get sad or depressed this time of year.  For me, January and February are the months that drag on…it is in those early months of cold and darkness that I find myself longing for an early spring and departure of my self-diagnosed Seasonal Affective Disorder…but whenever the time or season it comes for you, it comes.  And when those days creep up on us, it is often hard to see our way out of it.  These are tough times.  And tough times aren't always on cold and dark days.  Tough times don't always come with a good reason or any reason at all for that matter.  That’s why I try to incorporate Gratitude in my daily life…because when the going gets tough, the tough get Grateful!  It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself when you realize how many wonderful blessings you have in life!  I chose the picture above because it represents a tradition I have started in our house to celebrate and REMEMBER all of our reasons to be grateful.  On every birthday or special occasion, I make a GIANT poster of all of my favorite moments and memories of/for the person we are celebrating!  I say tradition, but it really just started a year or so ago.  As many of you know, I love to make a poster, and about that time, I noticed how lax I had become about printing pictures of my family because they are mostly all taken on my phone…so I decided to take that opportunity to print out all of my favorite pictures and make a huge poster for Michael for Father’s Day, and so it began.

So how does all of this tie into learning how to NOT feel so lousy?  Well, many people have heard about the Law of Attraction and the idea that “like attracts like” and whatever you focus on you get more of.  With that in mind, what would happen if we focused more on the things that we are grateful for and happy about?  It stands to reason that we would feel more blessed and full!  If we can focus on these snapshots of happiness and be truly thankful for our blessings and gifts from God, then the days that are not full of cake, ice cream and confetti become bearable because we can reflect on the many blessings that fill our lives.  I have these posters throughout our house and I often find myself standing in front of one smiling or sometimes laughing out loud as I revisit a moment in time.  Our thoughts turn into feelings and then into actions and this is one way that I can keep positive and practice the act of Gratitude.  When I keep my thoughts on all of the many blessings that I have, my feelings and actions follow suit.  It is when I feel blessed and full of abundance, I am able to give freely of my love and gifts!  And then, on the days that are dark and cold, when it’s hard to get out of my funk, I walk over to one of my giant posters…and it is nearly impossible not to start thinking, feeling and acting grateful!  So I challenge you to give it a try!  Make one GIANT Poster and hang it in a prominent area in your home and try not to feel overwhelmingly grateful for all of your many blessings!!

To make your poster you will need

•  2 poster boards
• roll of thick masking tape
•  Scissors
•  1 or 2 Glue sticks
• 40-60 pictures

1.      Print out 40-60 of your FAVORITE pictures (I downloaded the Walgreens App to my phone and selected my favorite pics from my Photo Albums and had them printed at my nearest Walgreens pharmacy.  They are usually ready within an hour and cost $0.29 each for a 4X6).

2.      Tape your poster boards together on the LONG SIDE using thick masking tape.

3.      Begin to arrange your photos in a collage form on the poster DO NOT GLUE ANYTHING YET!  I always get a rough idea of where my pics will go and then I start cutting them down so that they are not all the same size.

4.      After you cut the pictures and have them loosely arranged on the poster board begin gluing them down with your glue stick.  I usually print more pictures than I think I will need because after you cut and arrange you always end up with a little extra space to fill on the Poster

5.      Hang your Poster in a prominent spot and ENJOY!  You will be surprised how much you will enjoy looking at this!  And because the pictures are all different sizes you will see different pictures every time you look at it!

#4

 

 

#4

 

So from the picture, you may have guessed it...we are having ANOTHER baby!  This makes #4 for us and, yes, we do know how this happens.  While I am only 8 weeks along, I've known for almost 5 weeks now and I have to say, the news is still sinking in!  We are, of course, SUPER excited to be having another baby, but as you may guess, it has taken a little getting used to this idea!  I am 39 you know (I KNOW that is not OLD, but when you get to a point where having another baby is almost totally off the table...never fully, but almost...then it takes a bit to get your head back around the idea of years of diapers and sleepless nights).

I remember the night before I found out, I was texting with a friend who was having baby fever and I joked that I may be having another, so she should, too.  (Without giving out too much information, I thought another baby was a very remote possibility for us and highly unlikely, so this talk of another baby was just in fun).  The next morning I saw my friend at mass at our children's school and we giggled about our conversation just before the service started.  It was Friday, August 15th and the mass was to celebrate the feast of the Assumption of Mary.  Our Pastor Fr. Bob spoke about Mary, and cooperation, and how she was open to the grace of God.  I actually wrote those words down on a receipt in my purse because I wanted to remember them to somehow incorporate this powerful lesson in my coaching!  Here was a beautiful example of what wonderful gifts come from cooperation and openness to the Grace of God.  The other beautiful thing is that we have been given so many gifts that come to us on many different scales, some small and others huge.  Small or large, we are ALL given wonderful gifts from God and it is our choice as to what we do with them!  Do we cooperate and accept these gifts with open arms or do we not?  Do we accept them and allow ourselves to be open to the grace of God, or do we say "nah...I'm good!" 

After that wonderful experience, I went on with my day.  I continued to think about how I would incorporate that powerful message in my coaching practice but especially in my own life.  I have recently made changes in my life to allow myself more time for coaching because I do believe that I have been given a great gift to help others find their greatness and purpose.  I was excited to think that I was on the right track.  I wanted to really understand this and be sure, so I questioned how was I being cooperative and open to the grace of God and looked to see where there were areas that I could do more.  Even with the excitement of this awakening I had, the conversation from the night before was still lingering in the back of my head.  It was just there...still...the thoughts waiting for me to bump into them again while all of these new thoughts and ideas swirled around it...And just then I think I knew...I had an amazing, beautiful gift...a gift through the grace of God.  Immediately, I thought I was crazy so I joke and say I took a pregnancy test to "rule it out".  It was just TOO perfect.. The conversation, the homily about being cooperative and open to the grace of God and then I find out I'm pregnant...no way!  Well as you can see above, there is a way!  After almost a month of waiting, we got to see our little miracle today and hear the heartbeat for the first time!   And through tears of joy, I am hear to tell you...I didn't think this was part of our family plan!  I'm not surprised because I don't know how it happens; I'm in shock because I know how hard it is for it to happen for us!  After all of this, my lesson is this.  Be open to the grace of GOD!  I thought I had it all figured out but I don't!  And I never will!  It's not my job to know what is supposed to happen...it's my job to be cooperative and open to the WONDERFUL gifts that are in store for me.  It is also my job to know this and live this when times are tough.  And so this new baby will always be a reminder to be open to God's grace and cooperative in His plan!

 

 

 

Boys and Bullies

Boys and Bullies:

Life Lessons From My Seven Year Old Son

The last 24 hours have put the Bailey parenting skills to the test...while the toys, gadgets, and cartoons have changed dramatically from my childhood, the challenges our children have faced seem an awful lot alike.  Of course there are tons of new and different technologies for kids to navigate as our Atari and Nintendo did not connect to anything other than a tube television, and if someone mentioned a World Wide Web I'm sure it would conjure up visions of giant spiders taking over the world....I'm guessing something similar to those seen in Arachnophobia (although I wouldn't know because I hate spiders and never saw the movie).  But by and large, our children are facing situations that we faced as kids.  Up until now, we have only dealt with minor infractions, after all, my oldest is only 7, but I am not naive enough to think they will not deal with situations that involve underage drinking, drugs or sex...(oh please don't let it be drugs or sex!!).  But today we caught our first glimpse of what is to come.  That's what is funny about life, just when you think that you have got IT figured out, whether IT is a new job, school, or in our case, parenting, IT turns into something else.  And for us, IT was a bully we will call Jack.

This week is a big week for me because I have started working part time at our shop so I can have time to write and grow my coaching practice.  YAY!  So, at the end of an exciting day and then dinner with dear friends, we made it home with enough time to chat about the day before tucking everyone in bed.  While Jay was settling in, he lifted his shirt and showed me his chest and a spot that looked like a bruise just under his sternum.  He had been at baseball camp so I didn't think much about it because he gets beat up all the time in sports and after nearly a year of overprotection I finally got a grip.  He told me that it hurt and this kid Jack punched him in the back, in the chest, and spit on him in line at camp today....wait, what did he just say?  At that split second, my world was rocked.  In one second, Jay went from the little guy I was tucking in to bed, to a kid who is coming to his parent for comfort, help, guidance, and direction.  Wow, I sure didn't see that coming!  Of course I immediately begin thinking that our future is riding on how this conversation goes.  Will he feel safe coming to us when the times are tough.  Will he trust us with the BIG stuff? But no pressure.
After a deep breath, I just went with it... I tried to make my voice sound like it always does because I didn't want to make a big deal of it.  But this could be his last time coming to me if he felt like I was blowing it off as not a big deal...man, I was not ready for this.  So I asked him what he did and if he told anyone about it.  I asked him if he hit him back.  He told me he ignored him but Jack kept doing it.  Oh I hugged him as tight as I could and told him how proud I am of him, and then asked him if he thought he would see him the next day.  Unfortunately, Jack was in his group for the week, so I told him to go up to the coach the next day and say, "Hey Coach, this guy Jack just won't keep his hands off me!".  There!  I did it!  Mom came in and saved the day.  I gave him words that sounded tough not like a wimp and that'll fix it!  We hugged again.  I gave my sweet boy a kiss and told him that I love him and goodnight.  

Woohoo!  I can almost see myself strutting down the hallway back to our room to share my parenting triumph with Michael.  It felt good.  I couldn't wait to tell him how he practiced talking to the coach in his tough voice...hey, I may even get a high-five on this one.

So, Michael's reaction did not go exactly the way I imagined it would.  Evidently there is a guy code that says you don't tell on a bully, you punch him in the nose.  Michael explained to me what he thought and what he was going to say to Jay and why, and with that (and all my friends of FB who encouraged me and rooted for Jay) we went to bed.

This morning Michael and Jay had a long talk (maybe it was short, all this guy stuff is new to me); whatever it was, it was their first Man-to-Man. Michael explained to Jay that he is never, ever to start a fight, but if he is being bullied he can and should defend himself.  We will not be mad but he also has to realize that there may be consequences if it happens at school or camp, etc.  Michael showed him how to make a fist and told him to punch him in the nose.  I would have liked him to add run away, but I was good with the overall message.  I asked Jay what he was going to do if Jack hit him or spit on him again and he made his little fist and motioned like he was punching himself in the nose.  (Deep breaths...No tears, Sarah...keep it together!). I asked him how he felt about it and he told me he was going to try to ignore him because that is what Jesus would do...and that was that.  He grinned and off he went. 

I watched the clock most of the morning wondering how things were going.  The minutes ticked by, but I took comfort in the fact that I hadn't gotten a call to pick Jay up, or worse meet him at the hospital.  I went back over all of the scenarios we had discussed.  I felt better knowing that he we had given him several options for dealing with Jack the Bully.  Surely, it was going to be alright...would Jay punch him?  If he did, would he cry?  Would he be crying because he did something he didn't want to do? Would he cry because it hurt...did Michael tell him it would hurt?

Michael texted me earlier that he would pick Jay up...we both wanted to see what this Jack kid looked like, but I figured Michael could probably keep his cool more than me, and the last thing I wanted to do was embarrass Jay or give Jack more reason to bully.  I heard Michael's car pull up and the doors open and shut...

Michael came in first and I said, "WELL???".  

"Well what?".  Typical male!  He finally told me that Jay said nothing happened and everything was fine.

A minute later Jay came strolling in.  His face and swagger told me he was enjoying keeping me in suspense.  Two can play that game, Buster!  After commenting on how dirty he was and asking what he did at camp he caved and with his head tilted and that look on his face he said"....well, aren't you going to ask me something?  Something about a kid...at camp?"

"Oh, right...who is it?  John, Joe, no Jack.  That's it. Jack."  Because I could tell whatever the 
 turnout was, it was positive, I indulged my self a bit.  "So how did it go today, Jay?"  And through his crazy cute grin he told me how he walked right up it Jack and he said, "Look, can we be friends?  And BAM that was it!".

And BAM that is it!  That was our first lesson in this new phase of parenting.  The best part of this is that Jay realized that he has choices.  What I find most remarkable is that he didn't rely on advice he wasn't comfortable with, instead, he kept thinking until he came up with a solution that he was happy with.
I really hope all of our lessons in parenting aren't this hard.  But if they are, I'm just glad that we have three great kids and tons of great friends to figure it out together. 

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