Calling all Supermoms (and Superwomen)!

 



After spending an ENTIRE week of my stay-cation enjoying my family, organizing, doing coaching work and trying to find peace and order in my life, I have decided it was time again to write a post on my blog.  It has been since May, I think, since I last wrote. There have been many blog worthy experiences, but not many blog writing hours available.  So here I sit, at 4:30 on Friday afternoon.  The final hour of my week off stares me in the face and asks, "What will you do with me?"  So I open my laptop, try 3 times to remember my blog password, remember it, and begin typing.

 

Friday is trash day at our house, and Wills LOVES the trash men!  When I say LOVES them, I mean LOVES THEM!  He will wake from a dead sleep to the sound of the squeaking breaks of the "trashmina"  as he calls them and I have to grab him and rush to get on the front porch/front yard so he can wave at them and squeal with delight.  I like to think his enthusiasm for them and their truck wins them over for I know the six years of dirty diapers (and still counting) can't have made us a route favorite otherwise!

 

So we had our regular Friday morning fun and in we went to change him out of his pjs and into his clothes for the day.  For some reason, I noticed he was wearing a pair of Superman pajama pants...ones that Jay had worn many times before him.  But all day today, I have been thinking about those stinkin' pants.  I'm not much of a comic book fan and my knowledge of Super Heroes is from what I learned watching Super Friends over 20 years ago so forgive me if I an off on some of these facts, but I have to say...I think us Super Moms and Super Women are doing it ALL WRONG. 

 

If I recall correctly, 90% of the time, Superman is a regular guy named Clark Kent, and Spiderman is kind of a nerdy guy but I can't remember his name or what he does for a living.  But from what I remember, neither of them do much unless they transformed into Superman or Spidey.  So all day I have been thinking about this...and suddenly I realized the real reason that they can do such extraordinary things, feel great, and then go back to their same old same old and never miss a beat.  It's because Superman can take off his cape.  And Spidey takes off his leotard or whatever it is he wears and they go back to being AVERAGE!  We would think the story line was crazy if they were to sustain that level of action and energy the whole time.  So why is it that we expect to be SUPER all of the time?

 

No really, I am seriously asking this question because I want to know what makes us believe that we have to operate at such unsustainable levels when even the guys in the movies who really do have "super powers" cannot do it.  So I ask again why do we expect to be super all of the time?  And why do we put more pressure on ourselves than others?

 

As I thought about this idea throughout the day, I  realized that I am as guilty as the next.  I have spent a large part of this year working toward my certification in professional and personal coaching and I talk with other coaches and clients about living a balanced life, yet I do not walk the talk.  I spend my mornings getting everyone off to school, my days working in our family business, my evenings with my family, and my nights coaching.  When I wake up, I put on my cape hoping that it is at least right side out (unless there is still a stain on it from the last time I could take it off long enough to wash and dry it...and if that is the case, well then it's probably better inside out) and then I'm off.  I can almost hear the song, "Here I come to save the day!"  After a full day of work, wiping booties and boogies, coaching soccer, and planning the next birthday party, I untie my cape and crumple it up in a little ball on the side of the bed because I know I will need it again tomorrow.

 

So what is the alternative, you ask?  Well as a coach, I will ask you that same question because my answers are not your answers; what works for me may not be right for you.  And then I will ask you a bunch more questions until we have a great plan.  After asking myself those same questions, I have come up with this...more doesn't mean better and neither does bigger.  I will also try hard to remember that it is ok to say "no" once in a while.  It doesn't mean that you are weak or not willing to help; it means that you are human and know it.  I am going to make conscious choices about what things I want to be SUPER at and those that I don't.  I am going to choose to be there for the things that my kids love, dance with my husband, and grab Wills every Tuesday and Friday to be sure he can wave at the trashmina.  And oh yeah, I'm for sure gonna ditch that stupid cape!  I am sure that those villains can find a new Super Person to bother...someone who doesn't yet know how to say NO!

My Jerry Maguire Moment....

 

 

Whether you love or hate Tom, who doesn't love Jerry Maguire?  Everyone I know saw it...People still quote it..."Show me the money", "you complete me" and "the human head weighs 8 pounds".  Well as silly as it is to say I had a Jerry Maguire moment when Jerry Maguire is a figment of someone's imagination, I did...Spoiler Alert:  In this post, I do not "complete" anyone.  I have not been "completed" by anyone.  Nor do I seek completion or to complete anyone.  I did however have a Jerry Maguire style Epiphany.

 

My life these days consists of working full time, parenting full time, and being a wife full time all the while reading, watching, seeking, and imagining what is the secret to the fulfilled life.  Don't get me wrong, my blessings are abundant.  I have NO complaints!  But I still want to discover that mysterious thing that you see in people every once in a while... what is it that makes you think, "I want THAT"?

 

Well, it was just my luck that I had lunch with one of my best friends not long ago.  We have lunch on a regular basis and it always proves to be good for the soul for both of us.  But this past time, our standing lunch date revealed to me an exciting opportunity to grow while at the same time help others!  But in a very indirect manner.

 

The long story short, my friend has a friend that is a life coach and at some point during our lunch, guards down, friend to friend, she said..."You should do that!"  So I got a meeting with her friend and we talked... we talked about perspective, priorities, energy, and on and on..and here is my Epiphany:

 

All around us, people talk about problems, challenges, frustrations.  Everyone has "issues", excuses or special circumstances.  These labels are barriers.  They are road blocks.  They equate to saying, "I quit" or "this problem is bigger than me".  My friend's friend, the "life coach" talked about seeing situations as opportunities.  I thought about that and I liked it...and as my thoughts flooded into my mind, the notion of choice and chance kept popping up.  Perception is reality.  Self fulfilling prophecy.  Life is what you make it.  The cliches are endless.  But the bottom line is this:  do you see things as a challenge or as a chance?  A challenge implies a problem, and it requires a winner and a loser.  A chance is an opportunity for all to win!  And it is OUR choice. 

 

Being the person that I am, I had to plug this into a real life scenario to see if my BIG IDEA can hold water... so I envision a scenario where my store has employee trouble.  If I were in a situation where I had an employee problem, looking at it as a challenge makes me feel like I am against that person.  I feel like I have to win or change them in order for the situation to be resolved.  Now, think of an employee "problem" as a CHANCE.  I have a chance to tell the employee what I expect of them.  I have a chance to find out if my employee is going through a tough time.  I may have a chance to develop new skills in another person.  I certainly have a chance to grow as a manager/boss/owner.  I have a chance to make our organization better!  The thought of challenge brings feelings of dread or stress, while the thought of chance is a breath of fresh air and allows for possibility and opportunity.

 

 I am not going to lie to you...it is not always easy to be positive in a culture that paints a Goya-esque picture of our future that looks dreadful at best.  But I will continue to try because I have three kids that will develop their attitudes and outlooks on life in my home, following my example.  By seeing situations that may not be the greatest as a CHANCE to grow, or learn, or teach, can make all the difference.  And I get that chance!

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 



Oh when the Saints come marchin' in

 

Oh when the Saints come marchin' in...

 

You might think that coaching an Under 6 Soccer team, the Saint Francis Saints (at a Catholic School no less), would be a wholesome, let's all learn the game, everyone gets to play, feel-good experience... I did; and that is how I coach my team.  Aparently, that isn't always the case.  Now, don't get me wrong, I played competetive soccer for years, and I cannot honestly say that I can set aside my drive and desire to win just because the players are 5 years old.  But I can say that I know I am a coach now, not a player.  And now, I am participating in a different capacity.  My job is to teach 10 five year olds the game of soccer, skills and sportsmanship alike.  Some may say that it is just teaching kids to kick a ball, but I say it's WAY more than that! 

 

Coaching soccer, or any sport for that matter, is way more than teaching a child a physical skill or a bunch of rules.  It is more like a lesson in life.  In fact, one might say it is a microcosm of "real life".  Life has rules...Soccer has rules.  Some players want nothing more than to be in the game...some are just as happy watching on the sidelines.  Sometimes you get a fair call, but others times you don't.  Sometimes if you just show up you win, and others you give your absolute, very best and it just isn't good enough.  There are gracious winners and sore losers. You win some; you lose some.  And such is life. 

 

I'd like to think that all coaches are in it for the good of the kids, but in just two seasons as a U6 soccer coach I'm pretty sure that is not always the case. My Saints played a heck of a game on Saturday!  They dribbled, they passed, they defended, they scored.  They played as a team on the field and on the sidelines.  I can't tell you how awesome it is to see your players on the sidelines cheering for their teammates instead of kicking dirt while poking their friends!  They are excited on and off the field, and with ten players on the team that plays 5 v 5, we sub a lot.  To see all of them cheer as their friends score goals...AWESOME!  Today, our team won after lots of teamwork and great plays.  I could not be more proud of our players! 

 

Unfortunately, my Saints saw the ugly side of competition today...whether they realized it or not.  The team we played were less experienced than our players, but hustled none the less.  They gave their ALL for 40 minutes and that is what most coaches dreams of at any age...Well most is not all...At some point in the first half I was told by the Assistant Coach of the opposing team to stay on my own side of the field as I coached my players into position...ummm, ok.  Sorry?  Was she really telling me to get off her "side"?  Well, yes.  Yes she was.  She told me each time I neared the center line.  She also told the parents of her players not to talk to their own kids during the game...WHAT? 

 

Well, the worst of the worst came after the game was over and we all lined up to shake hands and say "good game".  Not only did she refuse to shake our hands, she requested an age verification on one of our players...she accused us of cheating.  My team of 5 and 6 year olds played their hearts out today and a Coach refused to shake their hands and called us cheaters!  I am pretty sure my Saints did not notice her abscence and I did not make a big tadoo about it or the "age verification", but what does her team hear?  What does her team learn from her actions?  If we are teaching our players about life, what did they just learn on Saturday morning? 

 

And so my Saints marched out with a big win and I am so proud of them.  And in this little simulacrum of reality, I see that we are all at different stages of our journey.  Some may have not even begun.  If you ask me and my Saint "Are we there yet?", I can say that we are well on our way.  At least for this season! 

GO SAINTS!

 

 



Picture Perfect

 

 

 

Picture Perfect

 

I often wonder why my very fancy Nikon camera cannot take better pictures of my children...and then finally I accept the blame, or worse, blame my children.  Kids just can't sit still...can they?  We are very fortunate to live in a time of digital photography and photo shop.  We can subtract pimples and pounds in a few points and clicks (well, some of us can...me, I can't seem to get all three kids in focus).  And I'm pretty sure because of this excessive editing, we seem to have come to expect that we, too, are expected to lead the picture perfect life that we see on magazine covers and Facebook.  I'm not innocent!  My extended family came to visit for Easter and I made lists of things to buy, clean, rearrange...EDIT!  I made all of my preparations for my Easter baskets, egg hunts, church outfits, dinner menus, all after a major overhaul of our home.  The funny thing is, I like our home...

 

Why is it that we spend so much time making our lives, homes, and facebook pages picture perfect for everyone else to see?  If it is good enough for me...my husband...MY KIDS, shouldn't it be good enough for everyone else?  Well, now, I say, "Yes!  Take me as I am!  Love me or leave me!".  But with just hours to spare before the arrival of my family- including my Aunt and Uncle that wrote the book on order and cleanliness being next to Godliness, I have to say...those were not my exact words.  Not. Even. Close.  And then, I really think about it...why am I making all of these preparations for our Easter company, but not one of them is preparing me for Easter!

 

"And God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son".  John 3:16.  Isn't that what is REALLY picture perfect?  Ugh!  Why do we get so far from the things that are really important...

And after all that, here I am, on the Wednesday after Easter, looking at the ONLY facebook worthy picture that I took...but the funny thing is, the whole weekend was Picture Perfect!  We celebrated with joy and laughter.  We ate, we drank, we watched our kids play...and I ask myself if it would have been any different had I not swept the garage.  Maybe, maybe not.  But I bet I won't remember what chores I didn't get to finish.  I will remember that Jay, Parker, and Andrew had a ball hiding and finding Easter eggs.  I will also remember that Evan loves for me to scratch his head, Parker loves having "folks come over", Jay hit a home run on Opening Day at his ball game, and Wills LOVED all of the action.  The guys could spend days reliving their golf game as the ladies reveal their purchases made during "retail therapy".  And all the while, we are living in a world where we do not have to be Picture Perfect.  Jesus took care of that for us...

 

Are we there yet?  No, but a bit closer, I think...

 

 

You say it's your birthday...it's MY birthday, too! YEAH

 

Today is my 38th Birthday!

 

 

I am one of the weirdos out there who LOVES birthdays no matter how old I will be (so far)!  I tell myself that I am getting better with age.  I remember how SUPER EXCITED I always got as my birthday approached.  I would actually feel excited the whole month.  I can still faintly feel the butterflies when I try really hard to remember how the anticipation felt and what it was like to actually be giddy with excitement.  Now, I'm a mom and the birthdays aren't so much about me anymore; they are about my kids. And I really love that!  It is actually MORE exciting to try to make my kids' birthdays as special as my parents made mine for me.  This year, I realized that I may have gone a bit too far...starting last week my kids began the hype.  The birthday countdown, how old will I be, what did I want to do, who would we invite...and on and on.  When I told them that I was taking the day off for my birthday, their eyes lit up!  "Do you want to have your birthday at McWane Center or the Zoo?", they shouted.  I can totally see them envisioning my birthday party at the zoo...balloons, my friends with presents, the birthday cake, tokens for the carousel.  It is really funny to think about it that way...seriously, put yourself in the place of your child at their last birthday party.  I think that's what they had in mind for me!  Sweet things!

 

Well, zoo it was, but before we had the perfect birthday according to the kiddos, I had a few hours on my own this morning.  My usual would have been a mani/pedi or some sort of spa treatment, but it just wasn't in the cards this year, so I kept the sentiment and spent time on me...alone...at home.  And it just so happens that I have been doing a lot of soul searching and reading lately and came across an exercise that I was determined to try.  So here it is:

 

Write down 10 things that you like about your physical appearance.  Write down 10 things that you like about you as a person.  Seems pretty easy, huh?  Well, try it!  WOW!  I can think of 30 things I like about anyone else...but to come up with things about  me.  I felt somehow conceited or that I was committing some major act of hubris.  How did we as women, or people for that matter, get from having a healthy self image to feeling bad about liking ourselves?  I have to say, it took me A LONG TIME to start my lists.  I started with the physical appearance one.  I was stumped.  I mean really...just one of my feet has somewhere around 206 bones, I have two of those, many facial features, 20 fingers and 20 toes, organs, etc. and I can't like 10 things...I can't find a place to start.  Really?  What is wrong with me?  So I said, "Sarah, I know you.  I know it is hard to look at yourself like this.  But, you are going to do it because it is a great way to celebrate 38 years of life...and because I said so!"

 

So here goes...

Physical List:

1.  I like my blue eyes. 

2.  I like my hair.  The color, that I can wear it straight or curly, and that I don't have very many greys yet.

3.  I like that I am tall.

4.  I like that I am thin.  I am SO very fortunate that I was born this way.  I know someday I will have to worry about this, but at this time, I am so very grateful that I have a high metabolism.

5.  I like that I have long legs.

6.  I like that I have long fingers like a pianist.

7.  I like my feet.

8.  I think I am attractive. (That is a hard one to say/type for all the world to see!  Why does it feel so bad to say that I think I am pretty?)

9.  I like my frame. 

10.  I like that after 3 kids I still have an attractive body.

 

Personality List:

1.  I like that I am extremely empathetic.

2.  I like that I am funny. (Please don't tell me if you think I am not)

3.  I am kind.

4.  I am creative.

5.  I am a good writer.  (Again, if your opinion differs...consider it none of my business)

6.  I am a good listener.

7.  I am a good soccer coach to Jay.

8.  I can be a really fun mom.

9.  I am good at being organized.

10.  I am a very hard worker.

 

PHEW!!!!  So there it is, folks!  I have said it.  I like to be me!  Thank God it only took me 38 years to say/type it for all the world to see.  I hope to be a good example for my children from this day on.  I hope that this exercise will make it easier for me to show my kids how to be proud of who I am. I think this is something that everyone should do.  On EVERY birthday!  It's good for you.  It's actually great for you. 

 

And so I say to you...I am NOT there yet.  But after a bunch of wrong turns, I am back on the right road! 

 



The Butterfly Effect

 

 

The Butterfly Effect.  Such a strange concept...and I'm not talking about the sci-fi time travel definition.  I'm talking about the idea that a single, minor choice, experience, or occurrence can alter the outcome of a situation.  In a blink of an eye.  In a flap of a butterfly's wing.  The idea feels a bit like chaos to me.  It's scary to think about life like this.  It's scary to entertain the idea that I have no control.  It's scary because I have kids now. 

 

Years ago, pre-marriage and kids, I would have scoffed at this idea, or maybe accepted it as a challenge.  It might have even seemed thrilling to me.  But today, as I drove my three precious, amazing, and innocent children home from a family gathering over 500 miles away, I passed what was certainly a fatal car accident.  It was so scary.  It had just happened.  It could have been us!  BLINK.  FLAP.  I had decided to stop to eat.  I almost went through the drive thru...we were all SO ready to get home.  Instead, I stopped.  I returned discarded socks to their proper feet, and united left shoes with left feet and right shoes with right feet.  After I restocked my bag with items for quite possibly any case scenario, I scooped up Wills, and directed Parker and Jay to exit the vehicle and hold hands.  Looking back, we probably looked like a pre-school chain gang walking through the parking lot.  Parking lots can be dangerous... Inside, I let them dawdle.  We ate.  We went to the bathroom.  We got extra napkins.  We got refills.  We went back to the bathroom.  "It's been a long drive", I thought to myself. 

 

Back on the road, I'm not sure I even had time to set the cruise control before the cars in front and around me were slamming on breaks and the flashing lights were suddenly everywhere.  I saw several vacant cars that had minor damage. Then I saw tons of debris.  Then I saw the stretchers...and then I saw the car.  It looked like a crumpled up piece of paper.  I gasped to catch my breath and then immediately began to pray for the people involved and for the men and women that were responding to the accident.  I prayed for their families.  I prayed for my family.  As I continued on, I saw more Emergency Vehicles racing to the scene.  In a BLINK of an eye.  In a FLAP of a butterfly's wing.  Lives were changed forever.

 

I remember thinking, "All I want is to be Home." 

 

Is there any way to make sense of this?  I am a religious person.  I believe in God.  I believe that "things happen for a reason".  But I also believe that some things happen for no good reason...they just do!  Do I think God made it happen...NO.  But I do believe He is here for us...Rain or shine.  Good or Bad.  He is in our presence just waiting for us to call on Him.  Maybe it's just human nature that we only reach out when we are in need.  I guess that makes us fair weather followers... But for today, and hopefully going forward, I will be remember to embrace the present because life can change in a BLINK.

And while today we made it home safe and sound...Are we there yet?  I hope not!

The longest minute EVER!

The longest minute EVER!!

 

Another one of my favorite pictures EVER...I have this photo on my refrigerator.  It is amazing to me that one split second can tell so many stories.  The first story begins at 11:32 AM on August 8, 2011 when our sweet Wills entered this world.  When we went to the hospital that morning, we thought because this was the third time around we pretty much could handle it on our own...except, of course, for the whole epidural thing.  Don't hate me, but my first two deliveries took me about an hour and 5 pushes total...for both!  So you can imagine I felt like number three would be a breeze.

And it was a breeze...in fact, my doctor almost missed it!   My mom almost missed it!  In hindsight, I wish my mom had...instead, she walked off the elevator and towards our room as a rush of nurses passed her responding to the subtle alarm sounding from the nurses station.  I remember seeing her panicked face as she watched them enter MY room.  Suddenly MY room was filled with nurses and noise.  It happened so fast.  In just one minute.  In an instant, I gave birth to my sweet baby William.  He took a long, wonderful, loud gasp...and then....NOTHING!

The longest minute EVER..in that single minute I experienced joy, fear, confusion, disbelief, panic, disbelief, confusion....WHAT IS HAPPENING?  What are all these people doing in here?  My doctor says he looks good.  She says he just didn't transition well.  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?  Why can't I hold him?  Why can't I see him?  Why can't I hear him?  What is going on?  Who are all these people?  My vision narrows to a small, dark tunnel...it is hard to catch my breath.  I feel numb....   

11:33 AM:  I heard the most glorious screech from my sweet baby Wills!  At last, I catch my breath!  My vision clears.  My heart is pounding.  My mind is reeling.  My tears stream down my cheeks.  After a minute that felt like a lifetime, I could finally hold my William!  And in an instant, the longest minute EVER had passed...And click...a picture's worth a thousand words...

After things calmed down, we learned that Wills may have skipped a few important steps in his fast and furious entrance into this world...most importantly the one where the contractions clear his airway.  After all was said and done, Wills would be ok but to be sure he needed a quick 4 hour stay in the NICU for observation. 

I know that my doctor explained things to me at the time, but I can't say that I was able to absorb much.  It was later, although I can't say how much later, that my sweet nurse - the original one (before all of the drama) came to check on me and I really found out what went down.  Mine was a routine induction and delivery.  I have babies fast, but they knew that.  This was the third time around.  But this time, "he didn't transition well".  It turns out they "coded him"...Code Red. Code Blue..hell, I don't know the color, but I know it means he wasn't OK!  He was in trouble!  He wasn't breathing!  But he is now!!!  Thank GOD!

So how does this one picture/story tell so many stories?  Well, this picture tells the story of the longest minute ever, but it also tells many more! 

To my daughter, Parker, who always asks me if I am sad in that picture, I say no!  This is a story of happy tears.  This is a picture of the moment that I got to hold our sweet Wills for the first time!  I have happy tears.  This is the story of JOY! 

When I look at that picture and think of Michael, I remember feeling like I couldn't go through this with anyone else...He said the right thing.  He held my hand.  He gave me strength and comfort.  He told me we would be ok!  This is the story of LOVE and SUPPORT!

When I look at this picture, I think of my mom.  I realize that as MY mom, she experienced all of the feelings that I experienced for Wills, while at the same time worrying for me.  At that time she didn't know who was in trouble. We both experienced the fear of losing our baby in that long minute.  After such a close encounter, we erupted with RELIEF! 

I guess I could really go on and on.  But the most important story that this picture tells is one of BLESSINGS!  As I checked into that hospital, I took for granted that I would deliver and leave with a healthy child in 3 days or less.  I am so BLESSED that I did! 

Each day I try to count each blessing rather than count on them.  I strive to be deserving of them instead of feeling as though I deserve them.  And that, my friends, is why I keep this photo on my refrigerator!  And for each of you, I hope you count each blessing and strive to be deserving of them.  I hope that you have a photo to hang on your frig that will tell you stories of JOY, LOVE, SUPPORT, RELIEF and most of all BLESSINGS.

Today, I may be on the right path...but if you ask me, "Are we there yet?"...I'll have to say, "not just yet".

But I don't want to be a PRINCESS!

But I don't want to be a Princess!!

 

 

Have you ever had this happen:  You are searching or struggling with a decision or idea in your life and then you read something or hear something that really hits home and is SUPER RELEVANT to what is happening to you. Then, suddenly, that message is everywhere...it's in the news, in the sermon at your church, on Oprah (does she still have a show?), in your conversations, in your horoscope.  Is it following you?  It is as if you have a stalker.  Your very own subconscious has become your stalker saying, "I've been here all along!  Are you finally listening?".

 

Well, lately I have been thinking a lot about balance and if and how my work/income benefits my family and enriches my life.  Well, you can't get too far into that line of thinking without addressing the 3 P's...PROFESSION, PRIORITIES, and PURPOSE.  And so, here I am on a Tuesday night - this may be too deep for a Tuesday - but here I am. (I have no choice but to go here because I keep running into the P's!)  I think about work - PROFESSION.  I read books about being a good leader and being productive and I get "what's really important to you" and "101 reasons to prioritize"- PRIORITIES.  And as if that isn't enough subconscious stalking...I get the "how will you make your  mark" from my daily devotional - PURPOSE.  Really?  REALLY?  I just can't even begin to answer that.

 

I feel like I did when Jay was getting Baptised.  The Priest asked me and Michael, "What do you want for your child?"  Julie (my sister and God Mother) said this moment was priceless...she could see my mind racing...what do I want for my child?  Health. Happiness.  Love.  Success...the list goes on!  How do you answer THAT question?  Well, if you are Catholic and at your child's Baptism, the correct answer is "Baptism".  They even tell you the answer beforehand (I never forgot that one again).  But that is how I felt this morning when I read about finding my purpose and making my life count.  In a split second, I felt a rush of excitement and anticipation wash over me like a wave.  And then came the worry and fear that sucked out my breath - the under toe.

 

And so here I am.  9:15 on a Tuesday.  my purpose...my Purpose...MY purpose...MY PURPOSE...

 

UGH!  How can I possibly answer this question?  I'm only just realizing this is my question! 

 

And so I will just say what I am sure Wills would have said in this picture had he been old enough to talk...Today I'm really not so sure about my PURPOSE, but I don't want to be a Princess! 

 

I do know, when I ask myself, "Are we there yet?" I can say, "Not yet, but we are closer than we were yesterday!"

 

Today is the greatest!

 

If only we all could have this much enthusiasm!  I LOVE this picture for so many reasons!  Have you ever seen HAPPY?  Well, you have now! 

 

I hate to admit this, but mood can be easily influenced.  If a friend or co-worker is having a bad day...well that makes two of us!  If there is excitement in the air, well, we're all a buzz.  Today, we are inundated with messages not just from friends and family, but also from tv, radio, Internet, and print.  The sad thing is that most of what we are exposed to is negativity!  How on earth can we teach our children to be grateful, joyful, and positive if we cannot model these virtues ourselves?

 

After years of reading, experience, therapy et al., I have found that there is so much joy and wonder in what we often find mundane or tedious.  Maybe it's from my kids...they can find joy and amazement in a balloon or cardboard box.  For me, I try to remember that taking out the trash gives me an opportunity to go outside and get fresh air.  Making the bed isn't much fun, but it makes me feel great when it is done.  Each experience presents us with a choice.  Will it be met with a positive attitude and enthusiasm or negativity and dread?  It is our choice!  I think a lot of people have forgotten that we have a choice...  For me, for now, I am working hard to remind my kids, family, and community that this life is what we make it.  Or maybe it's really my kids reminding ME! 

 

And each and every day, I wonder, "Are we there yet?"...not today, but getting closer!

 

 

 "Excuse me, Sir.  Have you seen my son, Jay?  He is about your height, has your hair color, but does not have eyeglasses or a mustache."

 

I love this picture of Jay!  We were being so silly.  Even at 5 years old, he understands how people can wear masks and change who they are!  We all do that. 

 

As silly as it is, Moms do it, too!  We try so hard to be super mom for our kids, husbands, selves, and friends. 

 

As great as it is to have a little fun and be someone else for a while, I am trying to remember that it is way more important to be me.  Not only is it important to be true to who I am for ME, it is also important to teach my kids to be proud of who they are! 

 

And I hear that little voice in the back of my head, "Are we there yet?"....not yet.  But we are getting there!

So much for my annonymous blog...had my "pen name" all ready and everything.  But then I couldn't post pictures.  And I do have some pretty cute kiddos!  Meet the Baileys.  There is nothing extraordinary about us. We haven't cured anything or invented anything.  No reality show.  We aren't rich.  We don't have a rags to riches story (yet?)  Thankfully we have never gone through a tragedy.  We are pretty much your run of the mill Party of Five. 



We really do have it pretty great!  I am so thankful for all of my wonderful blessings and feel like I have after many years found that "thing" I have been searching for.

For years...hate to admit this but really for decades, I have felt like I have a story to tell.  I really don't know what it is, but I feel compelled to write.  I suppose my first entry should provide you with "the Backstory".  We all have one... I had a happy childhood, wonderful and supportive parents, great education...the works.  I also have a family history of depression.  And as they say, the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree!   From time to time, I talked with psychologists or youth group ministers, but I never really had a time where I just couldn't get out of my funk.  I wasn't a "troubled child".  I didn't wear all black.  I didn't keep to myself.  In fact, I was the opposite...a social butterfly.  I was involved in activities, captain of the soccer team, the lead in the school play.  All through school I was very involved.  I was pretty involved in life until February of 2001.  My wonderful and sweet husband (boyfriend at the time) and I had dated for 3 years from summer of 1997 to fall of 2000 when I flipped out and dumped him...not sure why.  I had some ok reasons to be mad at him, but not much else...(Hindsight, it was for the best- we are married now!)  After our split, I tried my hardest to make the absolute worst decisions I could as if my life depended on it.  Luckily, my parents raised me the way they did because my heart wasn't in it!!  I tried, but within a few months I was sitting across from- whom my dad refers to as my "Friend On Payroll" (FOP) - my real deal psychiatrist.  I was a 5'9", 100 lb, blubbering mess.  I didn't even have it in me to rebel.

That day, my FOP listened to me through sobs and snorts...she didn't talk much. Really, she didn't talk at all until the very end. She told me something I'm sure I already knew.  She told me I was dealing with depression.  So there it was...but instead of a remedy or some fast and furious cure, all I got was a diagnosis.  NO QUICK FIX.  What?  I can't leave with a prescription and a sigh of relief?  That was a hard day. I had a bunch of those during that time.  I remember wishing I had never gone to my FOP.  I remember thinking that things weren't so bad before...before I didn't think about the hard stuff.  I didn't have to talk about it...but I did have to live it whether I wanted to or not.  At some point I realized that it would take some time...I remember thinking, "well, I guess it took me 26 years to get this way..."

I have one older sister and she has always been there for me!  After a rough patch or two, we have gotten to be very close.  We actually like spending time together!  She knows me inside and out.  After a typical childhood and adolescence, I guess it was in college and after that I really began to struggle.  She was my go-to girl...no matter what, I could call Jules.  She must have had a play book of pep talks for me that covered everything from the run of the mill blue day to my chicken little day "the sky is falling".  She almost always could make my blues go away...almost always.  I remember shortly before what I call my "break down", Jules told me to get some "trash mags" (tabloids) and take a bath.  "Relax", she said.  But how?  "Happiness is a journey, Sarah.  Not a destination."  Ugh!  I just didn't know how to make the trip!  And so my story began...while I am just now getting this down, I think I have for years been asking "Are We There Yet?" 

I'm hopeful that I am NOT there yet!  Finally, I am at a place in life where I can appreciate all that has been and all that is to come!  I'm certain it will come out at some point that I am uncomfortable with change,  but today I can say that I am enjoying the present and excited for the future!