When the Going Gets Tough...the Tough Get Grateful!!!

The first few weeks of October are busy in our family!  My parents celebrate birthdays two days apart, Michael and I celebrate our wedding Anniversary – 10 years this year, our sweet Parker’s birthday is the same day as our anniversary, and Michael’s birthday is 3 days later!   I have always loved to celebrate occasions and now is no exception, but Phew!  I get worn out just typing all of the stuff we pack into 14 days!  It is easy to get caught up in the excitement of all that celebrating and to feel happy about all of my blessing because there are so many packed into a short period of time, but what happens the day after or the next week when life returns to normal and there isn’t some reason to throw a party? 

As the holidays approach we often hear how many people get sad or depressed this time of year.  For me, January and February are the months that drag on…it is in those early months of cold and darkness that I find myself longing for an early spring and departure of my self-diagnosed Seasonal Affective Disorder…but whenever the time or season it comes for you, it comes.  And when those days creep up on us, it is often hard to see our way out of it.  These are tough times.  And tough times aren't always on cold and dark days.  Tough times don't always come with a good reason or any reason at all for that matter.  That’s why I try to incorporate Gratitude in my daily life…because when the going gets tough, the tough get Grateful!  It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself when you realize how many wonderful blessings you have in life!  I chose the picture above because it represents a tradition I have started in our house to celebrate and REMEMBER all of our reasons to be grateful.  On every birthday or special occasion, I make a GIANT poster of all of my favorite moments and memories of/for the person we are celebrating!  I say tradition, but it really just started a year or so ago.  As many of you know, I love to make a poster, and about that time, I noticed how lax I had become about printing pictures of my family because they are mostly all taken on my phone…so I decided to take that opportunity to print out all of my favorite pictures and make a huge poster for Michael for Father’s Day, and so it began.

So how does all of this tie into learning how to NOT feel so lousy?  Well, many people have heard about the Law of Attraction and the idea that “like attracts like” and whatever you focus on you get more of.  With that in mind, what would happen if we focused more on the things that we are grateful for and happy about?  It stands to reason that we would feel more blessed and full!  If we can focus on these snapshots of happiness and be truly thankful for our blessings and gifts from God, then the days that are not full of cake, ice cream and confetti become bearable because we can reflect on the many blessings that fill our lives.  I have these posters throughout our house and I often find myself standing in front of one smiling or sometimes laughing out loud as I revisit a moment in time.  Our thoughts turn into feelings and then into actions and this is one way that I can keep positive and practice the act of Gratitude.  When I keep my thoughts on all of the many blessings that I have, my feelings and actions follow suit.  It is when I feel blessed and full of abundance, I am able to give freely of my love and gifts!  And then, on the days that are dark and cold, when it’s hard to get out of my funk, I walk over to one of my giant posters…and it is nearly impossible not to start thinking, feeling and acting grateful!  So I challenge you to give it a try!  Make one GIANT Poster and hang it in a prominent area in your home and try not to feel overwhelmingly grateful for all of your many blessings!!

To make your poster you will need

•  2 poster boards
• roll of thick masking tape
•  Scissors
•  1 or 2 Glue sticks
• 40-60 pictures

1.      Print out 40-60 of your FAVORITE pictures (I downloaded the Walgreens App to my phone and selected my favorite pics from my Photo Albums and had them printed at my nearest Walgreens pharmacy.  They are usually ready within an hour and cost $0.29 each for a 4X6).

2.      Tape your poster boards together on the LONG SIDE using thick masking tape.

3.      Begin to arrange your photos in a collage form on the poster DO NOT GLUE ANYTHING YET!  I always get a rough idea of where my pics will go and then I start cutting them down so that they are not all the same size.

4.      After you cut the pictures and have them loosely arranged on the poster board begin gluing them down with your glue stick.  I usually print more pictures than I think I will need because after you cut and arrange you always end up with a little extra space to fill on the Poster

5.      Hang your Poster in a prominent spot and ENJOY!  You will be surprised how much you will enjoy looking at this!  And because the pictures are all different sizes you will see different pictures every time you look at it!

#4

 

 

#4

 

So from the picture, you may have guessed it...we are having ANOTHER baby!  This makes #4 for us and, yes, we do know how this happens.  While I am only 8 weeks along, I've known for almost 5 weeks now and I have to say, the news is still sinking in!  We are, of course, SUPER excited to be having another baby, but as you may guess, it has taken a little getting used to this idea!  I am 39 you know (I KNOW that is not OLD, but when you get to a point where having another baby is almost totally off the table...never fully, but almost...then it takes a bit to get your head back around the idea of years of diapers and sleepless nights).

I remember the night before I found out, I was texting with a friend who was having baby fever and I joked that I may be having another, so she should, too.  (Without giving out too much information, I thought another baby was a very remote possibility for us and highly unlikely, so this talk of another baby was just in fun).  The next morning I saw my friend at mass at our children's school and we giggled about our conversation just before the service started.  It was Friday, August 15th and the mass was to celebrate the feast of the Assumption of Mary.  Our Pastor Fr. Bob spoke about Mary, and cooperation, and how she was open to the grace of God.  I actually wrote those words down on a receipt in my purse because I wanted to remember them to somehow incorporate this powerful lesson in my coaching!  Here was a beautiful example of what wonderful gifts come from cooperation and openness to the Grace of God.  The other beautiful thing is that we have been given so many gifts that come to us on many different scales, some small and others huge.  Small or large, we are ALL given wonderful gifts from God and it is our choice as to what we do with them!  Do we cooperate and accept these gifts with open arms or do we not?  Do we accept them and allow ourselves to be open to the grace of God, or do we say "nah...I'm good!" 

After that wonderful experience, I went on with my day.  I continued to think about how I would incorporate that powerful message in my coaching practice but especially in my own life.  I have recently made changes in my life to allow myself more time for coaching because I do believe that I have been given a great gift to help others find their greatness and purpose.  I was excited to think that I was on the right track.  I wanted to really understand this and be sure, so I questioned how was I being cooperative and open to the grace of God and looked to see where there were areas that I could do more.  Even with the excitement of this awakening I had, the conversation from the night before was still lingering in the back of my head.  It was just there...still...the thoughts waiting for me to bump into them again while all of these new thoughts and ideas swirled around it...And just then I think I knew...I had an amazing, beautiful gift...a gift through the grace of God.  Immediately, I thought I was crazy so I joke and say I took a pregnancy test to "rule it out".  It was just TOO perfect.. The conversation, the homily about being cooperative and open to the grace of God and then I find out I'm pregnant...no way!  Well as you can see above, there is a way!  After almost a month of waiting, we got to see our little miracle today and hear the heartbeat for the first time!   And through tears of joy, I am hear to tell you...I didn't think this was part of our family plan!  I'm not surprised because I don't know how it happens; I'm in shock because I know how hard it is for it to happen for us!  After all of this, my lesson is this.  Be open to the grace of GOD!  I thought I had it all figured out but I don't!  And I never will!  It's not my job to know what is supposed to happen...it's my job to be cooperative and open to the WONDERFUL gifts that are in store for me.  It is also my job to know this and live this when times are tough.  And so this new baby will always be a reminder to be open to God's grace and cooperative in His plan!

 

 

 

Boys and Bullies

Boys and Bullies:

Life Lessons From My Seven Year Old Son

The last 24 hours have put the Bailey parenting skills to the test...while the toys, gadgets, and cartoons have changed dramatically from my childhood, the challenges our children have faced seem an awful lot alike.  Of course there are tons of new and different technologies for kids to navigate as our Atari and Nintendo did not connect to anything other than a tube television, and if someone mentioned a World Wide Web I'm sure it would conjure up visions of giant spiders taking over the world....I'm guessing something similar to those seen in Arachnophobia (although I wouldn't know because I hate spiders and never saw the movie).  But by and large, our children are facing situations that we faced as kids.  Up until now, we have only dealt with minor infractions, after all, my oldest is only 7, but I am not naive enough to think they will not deal with situations that involve underage drinking, drugs or sex...(oh please don't let it be drugs or sex!!).  But today we caught our first glimpse of what is to come.  That's what is funny about life, just when you think that you have got IT figured out, whether IT is a new job, school, or in our case, parenting, IT turns into something else.  And for us, IT was a bully we will call Jack.

This week is a big week for me because I have started working part time at our shop so I can have time to write and grow my coaching practice.  YAY!  So, at the end of an exciting day and then dinner with dear friends, we made it home with enough time to chat about the day before tucking everyone in bed.  While Jay was settling in, he lifted his shirt and showed me his chest and a spot that looked like a bruise just under his sternum.  He had been at baseball camp so I didn't think much about it because he gets beat up all the time in sports and after nearly a year of overprotection I finally got a grip.  He told me that it hurt and this kid Jack punched him in the back, in the chest, and spit on him in line at camp today....wait, what did he just say?  At that split second, my world was rocked.  In one second, Jay went from the little guy I was tucking in to bed, to a kid who is coming to his parent for comfort, help, guidance, and direction.  Wow, I sure didn't see that coming!  Of course I immediately begin thinking that our future is riding on how this conversation goes.  Will he feel safe coming to us when the times are tough.  Will he trust us with the BIG stuff? But no pressure.
After a deep breath, I just went with it... I tried to make my voice sound like it always does because I didn't want to make a big deal of it.  But this could be his last time coming to me if he felt like I was blowing it off as not a big deal...man, I was not ready for this.  So I asked him what he did and if he told anyone about it.  I asked him if he hit him back.  He told me he ignored him but Jack kept doing it.  Oh I hugged him as tight as I could and told him how proud I am of him, and then asked him if he thought he would see him the next day.  Unfortunately, Jack was in his group for the week, so I told him to go up to the coach the next day and say, "Hey Coach, this guy Jack just won't keep his hands off me!".  There!  I did it!  Mom came in and saved the day.  I gave him words that sounded tough not like a wimp and that'll fix it!  We hugged again.  I gave my sweet boy a kiss and told him that I love him and goodnight.  

Woohoo!  I can almost see myself strutting down the hallway back to our room to share my parenting triumph with Michael.  It felt good.  I couldn't wait to tell him how he practiced talking to the coach in his tough voice...hey, I may even get a high-five on this one.

So, Michael's reaction did not go exactly the way I imagined it would.  Evidently there is a guy code that says you don't tell on a bully, you punch him in the nose.  Michael explained to me what he thought and what he was going to say to Jay and why, and with that (and all my friends of FB who encouraged me and rooted for Jay) we went to bed.

This morning Michael and Jay had a long talk (maybe it was short, all this guy stuff is new to me); whatever it was, it was their first Man-to-Man. Michael explained to Jay that he is never, ever to start a fight, but if he is being bullied he can and should defend himself.  We will not be mad but he also has to realize that there may be consequences if it happens at school or camp, etc.  Michael showed him how to make a fist and told him to punch him in the nose.  I would have liked him to add run away, but I was good with the overall message.  I asked Jay what he was going to do if Jack hit him or spit on him again and he made his little fist and motioned like he was punching himself in the nose.  (Deep breaths...No tears, Sarah...keep it together!). I asked him how he felt about it and he told me he was going to try to ignore him because that is what Jesus would do...and that was that.  He grinned and off he went. 

I watched the clock most of the morning wondering how things were going.  The minutes ticked by, but I took comfort in the fact that I hadn't gotten a call to pick Jay up, or worse meet him at the hospital.  I went back over all of the scenarios we had discussed.  I felt better knowing that he we had given him several options for dealing with Jack the Bully.  Surely, it was going to be alright...would Jay punch him?  If he did, would he cry?  Would he be crying because he did something he didn't want to do? Would he cry because it hurt...did Michael tell him it would hurt?

Michael texted me earlier that he would pick Jay up...we both wanted to see what this Jack kid looked like, but I figured Michael could probably keep his cool more than me, and the last thing I wanted to do was embarrass Jay or give Jack more reason to bully.  I heard Michael's car pull up and the doors open and shut...

Michael came in first and I said, "WELL???".  

"Well what?".  Typical male!  He finally told me that Jay said nothing happened and everything was fine.

A minute later Jay came strolling in.  His face and swagger told me he was enjoying keeping me in suspense.  Two can play that game, Buster!  After commenting on how dirty he was and asking what he did at camp he caved and with his head tilted and that look on his face he said"....well, aren't you going to ask me something?  Something about a kid...at camp?"

"Oh, right...who is it?  John, Joe, no Jack.  That's it. Jack."  Because I could tell whatever the 
 turnout was, it was positive, I indulged my self a bit.  "So how did it go today, Jay?"  And through his crazy cute grin he told me how he walked right up it Jack and he said, "Look, can we be friends?  And BAM that was it!".

And BAM that is it!  That was our first lesson in this new phase of parenting.  The best part of this is that Jay realized that he has choices.  What I find most remarkable is that he didn't rely on advice he wasn't comfortable with, instead, he kept thinking until he came up with a solution that he was happy with.
I really hope all of our lessons in parenting aren't this hard.  But if they are, I'm just glad that we have three great kids and tons of great friends to figure it out together. 

1. 
   

Making IT Happen!

Throughout my journey, I have asked myself tons of questions...who am I?  What do I want?  Why do I want X, Y, or Z?  How do I get there?  When is the right time for me?  I think all of us have similar questions and prayers that frequent us in the quiet of the early morning, or on the drive to work, or in the carpool line.  I have found there is no telling when that gift of clarity will break through the noise and the distractions of our day and get past the packed schedules that we have in our lives.  But, what I have also found is that they WILL break through!  We can quiet those questions for a month, or a week, or days at a time...but at some point, they find that little opening and surprise us when we least expect it!

Recently, I have grown very fond of those moments so much so that sometimes I try too hard to reproduce it at times when I am searching for answers.  I like to think of those as bursts of Divine intervention and while I am not much of a morning person, I find they often come to me when I am trying to get my family and self ready for the day.  I've lost some of those opportunities because I did not stop for a few minutes to explore the burst of clarity!  Well, this morning, I stopped and may have come up with what I have been searching for...not the answer, but the REAL question!!

What is IT that I want?  It is funny that I have just now seen this because I have danced around this in my journals, coaching sessions, blog posts, and Girls Night...with Purpose.  I have a tendency to do this in all parts of my life, and this time, I didn't see IT until I was ready to understand.

So here it is...all of the questions I have been asking are great questions and I will continue to ask them to myself and my coaching clients, but I now know that we will not get the real answer until we know what IT is that we desire.  If we do not know what IT is, we will continue to live as we do now, but we will continue to do things that may not have real value or meaning for us.  

Would IT be going to college or getting a job after high school?  Would IT be going to medical school or law school because of expectations?  Would IT be choosing a career over family?  

So what does all this matter anyway?  Well, we are going to be doing things in life whether we choose or not, so why not make IT what you want IT to be?  

MOMENTS OF REDEMPTION


This is one of my new favorite pictures of me and the kiddos in quite some time, so naturally, I made it my Facebook profile picture and WOW have my FB friends loved it!!! Lots and lots of likes!  The funny thing is, this was this morning on our way to church, I intended to take some pictures at Saint Francis Xavier because there are some beautiful places to take pictures...and, well, I got all of the kids ready for mass an hour early by accident because the kitchen clock is WAY off, so I figured what a great opportunity!  Well, my car wouldn't start and kids were getting restless so we improvised.  We called Mimi to pick us up for church and plopped down on our front steps as we waited for our ride and 30 minutes later we had a photo...and we got to church on time (thanks Mimi)!!

The thing about this picture and all the ones we "like" and envy on FB and Instagram is that it is ONE moment in time!  We judge ourselves against others based on these photos and the fact is, our lives are made up of the post worthy photos, but way more often the ones we are thankful others will never see.

Today, I had some very "un-post worthy" moments.  

I was moving some furniture around and of course the kiddos get super excited about all the changes!  Anyone who knows me well would be surprised that I don't do this all the time anymore, but it gets exponentially harder the more children that are involved!  So after this beautiful picture was taken and my children behaved amazingly well at mass, my collaborative spirit (with 5 & 7 year olds) and my patience with them -and my husband who would not take them away- was wearing very, very 

thin!!

Needless to say, the snapshot you see above is not indicative of my mood or demeanor overall today...makes me feel pretty sad when I have these AMAZING little people to love, and teach, all the while be continually amazed by.  But here's the thing that makes that picture the true story of our day...in between my frustration and cross words were kind words.  In between their tears and tantrums were hugs and kisses.  And then, at the end of the day, when I felt like a fraud for posting that picture, my three AMAZING kids kissed me and squeezed me as they said good night!  They love me anyway!  They LOVE ME anyway!!

These are the moments of redemption!  They know I love them despite my flaws and faults...and they squeeze my neck and tell me they love me anyway!!  

5 Things I won't leave home without

Tuesday started out pretty normal, that is normal for our house.  My mom and I had planned a day trip to Atlanta to do some buying for our shop and then I was going to take her to the airport so she could fly to see my sister in Jacksonville, Florida.  The plan was drop her off after our appointment and then head back to Birmingham in time for school pick-up.  I was out of town last weekend, so Michael suggested that I take Parker with me so we could have some Mommy/daughter time and since she is only in 4K it wasn't a huge deal for her to miss school.  I thought it was a great idea because I could tell she was missing me and I wouldn't have this opportunity when she started "real school".  

I went into her room and sat on the edge of her bed as she slept and whispered in her ear, "do you want to come to work with me?"  She rolled over and opened her eyes.  As the idea sunk in she smiled and hopped out of bed and started getting ready "for work".  In a matter of minutes she was ready and we hopped in Mimi's car and headed to Atlanta.  We each had our purse/backpack and the clothes on our back.  Little did we know we were heading off on a four day adventure that would test our faith, courage, sense of humor and patience.

We hadn't been in our appointment longer that ten or fifteen minutes when we heard that the snow storm watch had turned into a warning and there was a real possibility for bad weather.  As I was trying to decide if I needed to leave right away, I got the phone calls from school...schools are closing in 45 minutes.  I knew that there was no way for me to get there in time to pick up Jay and Wills, but surely I would make it home.  

My mom told me she would take a cab to the airport and Parker and I made our way to the car and got on the road.  As we stepped outside, the first flurries fell to the ground.  The flakes were gently floating from the clouds.  They were small and dainty and I thought to myself, this isn't so bad.  Parker and I got settled in the car and were on our way.  My thoughts bounced back and forth from disbelief...the flakes are so tiny this won't amount to anything, to panic...what if we don't get home!

Things were smooth sailing for about 50 miles and then it happened!  Those flakes...those tiny flakes...the ones that calmed me because of their size and gentle presence...they had fooled me.  They fooled me and thousands of drivers into thinking we could make it home.  In the blink of an eye everything changed.  The cars in front of me slammed on brakes.  It was slow motion as I pumped my brakes to slow down.  I held my breath with my hands clenched trying desperately to maintain some control over our vehicle.  The next thing I remember is my heart pounding and we were stopped.  Each heartbeat was reminding me to breathe, breathe, breathe.  I looked down and saw my white knuckles and loosened my grip on the steering wheel so that I could turn around to see Parker.  And there she sat, watching a movie, so calm and peaceful.  Thank you, God!

When I started to look around, I noticed the lady in the car beside me was facing the wrong direction on I-20.  Cars in front and behind me had screeched and skidded to a halt.  Some with less than an inch to spare; others weren't so lucky.  From there we inched for a short period of time and then we stopped.  It really wasn't until then that my mind slowed enough to think about what was going to happen next. We were over 100 miles from home with 1/4 of a tank of gas, no food, no luggage, and no plan!  My phone was slowly losing its charge so I had to use it wisely.  On my phone, I found a hotel at the next exit and called for a reservation; it was about 2.5 miles away.  They assured me they had plenty of rooms and guessed it would take me about 2 hours to get there.  Something made me give her my credit card number before I hung up....

Over the next few hours Parker noticed that we were stopped and started asking questions.  My plan was to be strong and keep Parker calm.  "Have patience, Parker".  I said it as much for her as I did for me.  As we waited, I mustered up every ounce of courage I could.  I was texting Michael and my mom sparingly trying to remain calm but growing anxious by the minute all the while trying to explain to Parker that we were going to be ok.  And then as suddenly as traffic stopped, it started again.  Over the next mile or so, I weaved through jack-knifed tractor trailers and abandoned cars while sliding on a sheet of ice praying that we would make it to the hotel.

And at long last, we pulled in to what would be our home over the next four days.  Hallelujah!  Thank you God!  Over texts my mom kept reminding me that God would take care of us.  "Have Faith, Sarah!"  And he did!  (I remember thinking, "I just wish He would have told me to pack a bag for us, too!".  Sometimes it feels good to just laugh!)  

As I checked in, the employee we now know as our friend Jennifer told me how smart I was to leave my card number...she sold out of all of her rooms within 20 minutes of my call.  The next few hours proved to be an emotional roller coaster as I tried to find out where the rest of my family was and be sure everyone was safe.  In between phone calls, I took inventories...how much cash do I have, how long will my phone battery last, what do I have in my purse that will help/entertain in this situation.  And I came up short.  Category after category, I did not have the bare minimum to make it through even a night.  But it was only supposed to be a DAY TRIP!

Over the course of the next three days, I was able to get change for the vending machine, found a phone charger in the lost and found (after a sweet "neighbor" lent me his for an hour or so), we walked to a Cracker Barrel and ate and bought some activities to pass the time and souvenirs for the boys, and I even got to a gas station/grocery store to get other essentials for me and the girls at the front desk (our list included diet coke and wine among other necessities).  As we settled into our routine, bonded with our neighbors, and realized from news reports just how close we were from a very different outcome, I learned a few things.

First, I learned to practice what I preach.  After I knew I would have a phone charger for the long haul, I started making and receiving calls.  I recalled the situation to family and friends in great detail still in disbelief.  At some point Parker must have grown tired of me rehashing our journey, or maybe she just wanted me to get off the phone and play with her, and she looked at me and said, "Mom, it just is what it is!"  And she was right!  I had a choice as to how we would spend our time because our situation was what it was.  And it was then that our winter adventure began!  

Second, I relearned that God gives you what you need and how important it is to have faith!  We needed a warm bed and the kindness of strangers, and that we got!  I also saw God working through the kindness of strangers.  I love all of the great stories of people helping people!

Third, I learned 5 things that I will not leave home without.  Most obvious, my phone charger.  As ugly as that truth is, we rely on our phones for phone numbers, I was able to book our hotel room, and get information and directions.  Another thing I will not leave home without is cash!  As much as we are a swipe it society, in this time of need, I could not get food or drinks from the hotel vending machine without cash.  The third thing I will never leave without is the daily medication I take for depression.  This is the first time I've not had it and I can say with certainty it will be the last.  Forth, I can promise you if you ever see me anywhere, I will have an extra pair of underwear!!!  If you doubt it, ask me and I'll show it to you!  And finally, if you remember any of this, remember this:  Never leave home without letting everyone you love know that you love them!  Wills was asleep so I did not wake him to say goodbye!  Don't let any opportunity pass you by to show people how much you care!  Make the most of your life because now is all we ever have!  And remember, it is what it is!